My Favorite Poem, the one I turn to for guidance

I first read "Ithaka" by C.P. Cavafy my freshman year of high school.  It goes as follows:

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
 
Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind--
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.
 
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
 
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
 
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

At that point, Cornell was already my goal and that I wanted to spend my college years in "gorges" Ithaca, NY.

When I was accepted to Ithaca College (after being deferred ED from Cornell), I knew that this poem was something that resonated with me and I reread it over and over again.  Even if I didn't end up at Cornell, I could still be in Ithaca.  I decided to start a photo project where throughout each year I take photos that fit lines of the poem so that by the end of the poem I will have been in Ithaca for four years ("better if it lasts [four] years").

"As you set out for Ithaca, hope the voyage it is a long one, full of discovery, full or adventure." Orientation Weekend 2014

I haven't completed many pictures yet, but the lines that were hardest for me to think about a picture for are also the ones I kept coming back to.

"Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you."

At this moment, I'm still salty that I don't get to spend four years at Cornell.  Yes, I am happy to be here at all.  Today early decision notifications came out and I was jealous of all the people who got that moment of extreme joy finding out that they were going to their dream school.  It's not even just that they got that moment, but that the colleges celebrated that moment with them as well.  I'm happy for them too, but I'm mad that my experience was tainted and that this is a common thought for me.  Anyone who was here last year too I am so jealous of because they lived the year I believe I deserved.  It still makes me upset, even though I am with them now.

I am bringing along the Laistrygonians and Cyclops, wild Poseidon, inside my soul.  I wouldn't say it's really hindering in any way.  I still do everything because I want to make my mark on Cornell and know that I made the most of the time I do have here.  I think I'm competing in a way for Cornell's recognition, waiting for them to admit their mistake of not accepting me earlier.

This only makes me upset though.  They're not going to admit it and it's not rational to think that they will.  Even if they do, they can't go back in time and change their decision.

Emotionally, this is probably the toughest burden that I carry.  And it's all on me.  But for some reason, I just can't let it go.  My soul sets it up in front of me.

Maybe one day I'll be able to experience my child(ren) getting into their dream schools and by that point I hope to understand what these Itha[c]as mean.